Sunday, 25 November 2012

It's Better To Burn Out Than Fade Away...

Obviously the original place from which this, my final blogpost as Miss Musing, title is borrowed, once had much deeper and darker meaning as Kurt Cobain scrawled his heart out before tragically taking his own life.  Well, fear not, I'm not doing a Cobain, just doing what I think I do best, reinventing!

A Tarot reader once told me I was like a phoenix (no, not feathery and mystical), with the ability to rise from the ashes.  I've always liked this analogy, I think it sums me up and I think this lies behind my decision to move on from The Skinny Mocha Musings.

The truth is, people enjoy reading about single, momentary tragedies and challenges in life.  I like to think that through the whirlwind of my mid-twenties crises in London, readers could relate to me and my troubles.  I also think people can relate to me now; sharp-tongued, hideously romantic, in love with all things vintage and really not afraid to wear her heart on her sleeve.  Personality doesn't change, but the self-belief that people want to read about you does.  I love to read about chaos, I loved to write about chaos and the tragic ashes from which something quite beautiful arose.  I don't so much think you, lovely fellow musers, want to read about new trials and tribulations of a rock and roll mum, or how my job and it's compliance rules appall me.  I don't want to regale you with tales of knitting and crafting, home-making, baby-ness, gigs and romance.  I want to put my creativity into something new, fiction, business, crafting, probably not picking up the pieces of a broken heart.  Over and over again.

So, before I sign off for the final time, here's a few tidbits I've learnt in my 28th year on this good old planet.

1) I am probably the most impulsive person I've ever had the pleasure to know.  I'm quite headstrong, not really bound by personal limits or the warnings of others.  And the best thing is, I'm O.K with that!
2) The word Mumpreneur should never be used in my presence.
3) Setting up a business usually involved a business plan, a foolproof one.  Not one that will send your arse packing right back into retail management before you can utter the word 'cupcake' one more time.
4) Having mentioned point 3, it also takes a certain amount of bravery to set something up on your own.  And there is nothing to stop you using what you've learnt to set up a new business in the near future.
5) This plan to develop a business, will definitely not class me as a 'Mumpreneur'.  Because that term is awful and should be tossed on the pile of 2000's faux pas along with 'Amazeballs'.
6) Some people in life, simply will not go away. 
7) Reading about pregnancy and birth scares the s**t out of you.  Enjoy YOUR pregnancy and not reading about someone else's.
8) Losing a child-like wonder about the world, makes it much harder to live in said world.  Best keep that sense of magic and determination.  Things can only get better.  Ironically not for D:Ream.
9) Pregnancy tends to ignite some sort of regressive therapy within you, a sudden need to get out those Marilyn Manson albums of yore, a need to wear the darkest lipstick you can possibly get away with, a last look at the likes of Skeet Ulrich and co in such classics as 'The Craft'.  Perhaps this is a reminder that whatever happens, even when you have infants depending on you, you are still you.  Or perhaps it's because you feel that playing 'Holywood' around your child could potentially constitute as child abuse of the ears.  

I think that's it.  I really think there is nothing more to say.

So I guess I just wanted to thank my lovely friends and musers who have continued to read my ramblings over the last 2 and a half years.  Thank you for your ears, thank you for your eyes, thank you for your opinions and thank you for letting my little old life infiltrate yours for a short while.  Keep an eye out for more writing fun in the future!  I hope, one day, when you see my name in lights on the 'BOGHP' tables in Waterstones, you'll remember our time fondly and think to yourself, 'she's come a long way, I remember when she was rambling on about being madly in love with someone called Dreamboy/I remember when Bob the Builder turned out to be a lying arsehole/I remember when Mr Jeffery came along and made it all better.'  Just, whenever this does happen, remember NOT to use the term 'Mumpreneur'.

So I'll sign off in the words of someone I have always loved, Only Fools and Horses very own Delboy;

'This is not goodbye, this is....Bonjour'.